Poirier, Alfred. The Peacemaking
Pastor. Grand Rapids, Michigan:
BakerBooks, 2006
INTRODUCTION
This paper is based
on Alfred Poirier’s The Peacemaking Pastor where he illustrated many
biblical conflicts and the way Christians understand and respond to conflicts
which rise within us that could either dishonor or glorify God. As the “Amnon-Absalom Conflict” unfolds, David’s
response brings to the forefront the antithesis between the children of God and
the children of the devil. This paper argues that solving conflicts in a
Godward perspective relates to mending broken relationship with God and the theology
of sonship in the Family of God, our King and Father, the God of Peace.
THE ABSALOM-AMNON
CONFLICT
Definition of Conflict
Poirier defines conflict as “a
difference of opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires.
It results when desires, expectations, fears, or wants collide with someone
else’s desires, expectations, fears, or wants.
Conflict is not necessarily a result or consequence of sin. Conflict is an inner dynamic of collision of
various courses or two different people.”[1]
There are four areas of conflict as depicted in the Bible that revolve around
divided allegiance, authority issues, boundary-making, and personal affairs. The
Absalom-Amnon conflict involving David, their father, is a conflict that
reflects all four areas.
The Conflict Unfolds
In 2 Samuel 11, David
commits adultery with Bathsheba and kills Uriah, her husband, by sending him to
the forefront battle without coverage. In 2 Samuel 13, Amnon—David’s elder son—disgraced
his half sister Tamar—Absalom’s full sister—by forcing her to lay with him. When
the news traveled, King David became angry and Absalom hated Amnon for
violating his sister. Two years fled by during which hatred grew in Absalom’s
heart against his brother and plotted with his servants to kill Amnon. David mourned
Amnon; whereas, Absalom fled to Geshur from fear of his father’s revenge and
spent three years. David’s heart became concerned about Absalom. So Joab, David’s
Chief-of-Staff, sent a wise woman to David to tell him as story in analogy to
Absalom’s story to prevent David from hurting his son. David recognized that
the story was about Absalom and that Joab was involved in sending the wise
woman. So David forgave Absalom who returned to Jerusalem and dwelt there for
two years. Absalom did not see his
father’s face and plotted treason to reign instead of his father; he ended up
being murdered by Joab’s spears.
Two Children: God’s and the Devil’s
The conflict that erupted
between Amnon and Absalom ending in murder seems to be rooted in the family, as
David committed adultery and murder but he repented when God rebuked him
through the prophet Nathan (2 Sam 11). Amnon’s
lustful, immoral, demanding, damning desire led him to rape and sexual assault
of his sister—an illicit relation; he did not restrain his eyes nor shackle his
feelings, his problem was lack of emotional and physical boundaries in personal
affairs. Whereas, Absalom’s anger from
his brother, though not a misplaced anger, led him to plot murder—a two-year
pre-meditated crime. Both directed their
warring desires to others and did not turn to God, like David, to deal with
their inner conflicts which were directed to the “who” without examining the
“why.” Both were led by counterfeit god
that directed and controlled their emotions and actions—a portray of the
children of the devil whose works of the flesh break all God’s commandments.
David mourned Amnon,
expressed his grief for the loss of his elder son—Amnon, and revealed his anger
towards his criminal son—Absalom. He
wanted to hurt Absalom but the wise woman reminded him of God’s character. She
used familial language that David knew well about God’s fatherhood and
kingship. God as King is responsible to
protect His people and as Father is responsible to extend love, forgiveness,
compassion, and grace.[2] Because David experienced God’s mercy and
forgiveness in the Bethsheba’s affair and willful murder of Uriah, he could
forgive his son and restore him. David did not satisfy his anger by killing
Absalom but remembered God’s example of fatherhood. David’s psalms are full of
songs on God’s mercy and forgiveness; the most famous is Psalm 51 where David
sings of God’s abundant mercy and requests God to create in him a pure heart
and a steadfast spirit. Despite David’s sins, God’s report on him, “a man after
My own heart,” who reflected God’s character in terms of love, compassion,
grace, and forgiveness.
Responses to Conflict
Ken Sande, in The Peacemaker, illustrated the various responses to
conflict in the slippery slope figure (see fig 1 appendix).[3] The response varies from the peace-faking escape responses—denial, flight, and
suicide, to the peace-breaking attack responses—assault, litigation, and
murder.[4]
Amnon and Absalom, both, reacted to conflict in peace-breaking attack
responses. Amnon assaulted his sister
and Absalom murdered his brother. The two are examples of the children of the
devil who could not be peacemakers.
The peacemaking responses of the slippery slope consist of
overlooking offense, reconciliation, negotiation, mediation, arbitration, and
accountability.[5] David’s response was overlooking offense by
forgiving Absalom; he portrayed a son of God, who despite failures and sins,
could honor and glorify God by being in his likeness and manifesting God’s
attribute of mercy and forgiveness. The
issue to God is not the failure but the response to failure by repentance and
restoration of the broken relationship with God.
GOD’S GLORY IN CONFLICT
Godward Perspective in Conflict
Where is God in this conflict? Couldn’t He have spared all these
tragedies—murder, adultery, lust, anger, and mourning? Does He need conflict to
glorify Himself? Such questions always transpire when conflict ensues. God is a “God of Peace” as seen in the
Creation account that everything was good.
The “God of Peace” also ordained conflict by allowing Adam’s fall and
the ensuing curses; He too purposed peace for His own glory as manifested by
His mercy and justice.[6] God disclosed His own glory to Moses by
describing Himself as compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in
love, and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving
wickedness, rebellion, and sin (Ex 34:5-7). Moses’ quest to see God’s glory was fulfilled
in Jesus Christ, who came in the flesh and dwelt among us as grace and truth
(John 1:16-17), committing to us the ministry of reconciliation that was
enabled through his redemptive, substitutionary death on the Cross (2 Cor
5:18-19).
“The
radical Godward understanding of conflict is not that we have broken
relationships with others but in fact it is a broken relationship with God.”[7] The idols—counterfeit gods—direct, rule over,
and control our lives; they compete with God as lawgivers who command us and
direct our affection and control our decisions.[8]
The first step towards solving conflict is restoring the broken relationship
with God like David did when Nathan the prophet confronted him with the
adultery and murder. Since then David wrote the most wonderful repentance psalm—Psalm
51.
David just overlooked the offense but
how can we stop sliding between the escape and attack responses? How do we
change our desires? What can set us free from the vicious desires? The Gospel of Jesus Christ—the Gospel of
Grace—is the answer to walking the full path of peacemaking: overlooking offense,
reconciliation, negotiation, mediation, arbitration, and accountability.
Conflict and God’s Glory
How did David turn the
conflict to God’s glory? David’s
response to Absalom’s murder of Amnon is a vivid example of conflict that
passes by genuine, human progression of mourning, then anger, then correcting
distorting desires by remembering God’s character as sovereign King and compassionate,
merciful Father, who forgave David’s sins—adultery and murder—and spared his
life (2 Sam 12:13), .
The familial language the
wise woman used in speaking to David, reminded David of the Lord His God, of
the people of God, of the attributes of God as one who “does not take away
life; but He devises means so that His banished ones are not expelled from Him”
(2 Sam 14:14), of the inheritance of God, of the angel of the Lord, of God’s
fellowship, and of the wisdom of the angel of the Lord. She likened David to the angel of the Lord
and prayed that the Lord be with him (2 Sam 14:17). It is this very familial language that healed
David’s broken relationship with God and with his Son. David could have honored
God further and brought more glory by talking to Absalom, by helping him to
repent and return to God, by keeping him close and holding him accountable. But
David was more concerned about the kingdom that meant to him God than about his
children.
Christian Response to Conflict
Conflict is an indication that our relationship with God is somehow
partially broken and that there are idols that control our lives and decisions.
The proper Christian response to conflict is peacemaking that starts by viewing
the party to the conflict as a brother or sister in the family of God (1 Tim
3:15; Matt 5:22-24; Matt 18:15-19; 1 Cor 6:1-8) and that we are all sons and
daughters of God, equally loved and valued.[9] A
recovery of the theology of sonship to peacemaking will reshape people’s
perception of the “other person in the conflict and reorient our focus towards
our common heavenly Father.[10] “Peacemaking flowers and bears fruit in the
theological soil of sonship to God, “blessed are the peacemakers for
they shall be called sons of God” (Matt 5:9).[11]
CONCLUSION
The “family of God”
is the context of peacemaking. The difference between God in the Old Testament
and in the New Testament is not theological but redemptive-historical.[12]
God’s self-revelation reaches its climax with the incarnation of Jesus Christ,
the Son-of-God, who promotes in us a new consciousness of God as Father and
Peacemaker and we as children, enabling the ministry of reconciliation through
his redemptive, substitutionary death on the Cross.
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